It's Official...

I'm having a food baby! 

       Baby Daddy: Arnaud's Restaurant 

                           Date Conceived: March 3, 2010

                                                Expected Delivery Date: March 4, 2010

So I slipped up and had a one night stand with my ex-way of eating and now we're having a baby. Don't worry, all you pro-lifers out there. After some extensive counseling with Catholic Charities, I made the decision to keep it, even if it means delivering it all on my own.

You're probably asking yourselves how this happened. I'm ashamed to say it, but it involved money.

Pepperdine Alumni were in town doing a Habitat for Humanity build. I didn't participate in the build because I have pencil arms. The best opportunity for me to visit with fellow Waves and connect with this larger network was at a special dinner arranged for the group. Since I paid $30 for the meal, I wasn't just going to eat the house salad, which was course 2 out of 4.

I think at this point of the cleanse I have managed to still consume animal products, gluten, sugar and alcohol. The only thing I have really abstained from completely is caffeine. Decaf diet coke is okay, right?

I'm not really surprised that some of you are out there judging me about all of this. However, Kathy Freston does say, "Please don't sweat the small stuff. Just do the best you can. This cleanse is not about achieving some sort of purity or perfection." I leave that type of achievement up to Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears.

I caught up on my reading today.

One chapter was solely questions many people ask about the cleanse that are answered by Dr. Neal Barnard, who actually has his own Vegan Diet 21-Day Kick Start Plan. In a brazil nutshell,  Dr. Vegan basically says everything we think we need animals for (iron, protein, calcium, fiber, car passengers) can be found through having a good plant-based diet. We have been ingrained to believe that these nutrients can only come through eating animals. Yes you will get protein and iron from that double whooper of yours, but you'll also get saturated fat and a grease stain on your shirt that's embarrassing to walk around with. 

Eating a variety of fruits, vegetables and grains will provide you with all the protein, iron, calcium and fiber you need and a wide variety of other essential vitamins, complex carbs, antioxidants and other 3+ syllable words.

My favorite part of the reading was the list of vegan athletes! I thought giving up meat had something to do with my shin splints. Turns out I also have pencil legs to match my pencil arms. There are really enough nutrients from a vegan diet that can even sustain:

• Carl Lewis - Olympian with 10 medals and some killer quads
• Mac Danzig - Ultimate Fighter and ultimate lover of animals
• Scott Jurek - Ultramarathoner, including a 152-miler [wtf?!]
• John Salley - NBA-er; proving vegans aren't just self-righteous white people
• Dave Scott - Six-time Ironman Winner [again, what the h - e double hockey sticks, don't you hate when ppl really say that?]  

If you don't feel completely unaccomplished and lame after reading that list, I applaud you on your very high, but misguided, self-esteem.

So who's coming to the baby shower? 

No, seriously, I usually shower after I give birth to food babies.

What? I crossed the line again, didn't I? Ooh... shit.

Day 12: Everyone Poops.

(Warning: If you are uncomfortable with talking about pooping or farting, you shouldn't read this. Also, if you are somewhat interested in dating me, I'm sorry but this will totally turn you off.)

The term "gluten" has been adopted into our vernacular lately, but most people don't really understand what it is or how it can possibly be unhealthy to eat.

Click HERE if you want to read more about gluten, or here's a simpler definition by Gluten-Free Girl's blog:

Gluten is the elastic protein in wheat, rye, and barley. Its elasticity is why French bread holds together, why angel-food cakes rise so high, and why H and H bagels in New York are so wonderfully doughy. Gluten is the glue that holds together baked goods and pasta. In fact, gluten comes from the same Latin root as glue. Think of gluten as the glue of wheat, rye, and barley.

Let me just say that not ALL people are affected by gluten. If you're not, wonderful. Continue enjoying your pizza, cupcakes and bagels. However, how do you know you're not affected by gluten if you don't eliminate it for a period of time to see how you respond?

I honestly didn't think gluten had any affect on me. I would say I had a high-gluten diet because I was always concerned with getting enough fiber. Why did I need lots of fiber? (Here goes the w.t.m.i. - way too much information...)

When I was a wee, little girl, I used to get constipation. (Haha... yes, it's funny. And constipation is a funny word.) I remember my mom having to come over and rub my back to get me to relax to poop.

 

I'm on the left with the look of consternation, I mean, constipation. 

I wish I was one of those people who enjoyed being on the toilet. For #1, it's not a problem. Easy breezy. But for #2, meh... I rather get it over with or, better yet, not poop!

But everyone, even Flat Kathy, poops.

As I learned more about nutrition (and used WebMD), I started paying attention to my fiber intake, knowing it'll help me with the BMs. Even with eat whole wheat bread and pasta, granola, oatmeal... you name it, it helped but there are times when it, frankly, still hurts.

Now that I haven't had gluten... let's just say, pooping ain't so bad.

Another weird body thing I have is something I have affectionally named TGS - Trapped Gas Syndrome.

Sometimes, after I eat, I get super painfully bloated. The annoying part is that the gas is TRAPPED! If you've ever been trapped somewhere, what do you do? You start banging on the walls and kicking things until you're released. That's exactly what the gas is doing to my digestive region.

Since I have cut out gluten, I haven't experienced TGS and it's amazing!

It'll be interesting to see what happens as I incorporate the items I am fasting from back into my diet. I may need you to pick me up a box of Gas-X before you take me out to dinner.