Workout Wednesday

I am asking all of you to say prayers, light incense, sacrifice your first born, send positive brainwaves into the atmosphere because I am starting to run again!

Sitting out because of shin splints sucks. Not because I'm the best runner in the world, but because I'm so unskilled in all other forms of physical activity that I'm starting to hate this constant feeling of inadequacy. It's been nearly 6 months now and I hope I can finally get off my flat ass and get my heart pumping and lungs burning again.

I've already swallowed what little pride I have left by wearing my cool orthopedic running shoes, and I will further act a fool by wearing my compression socks every time I exercise.

The sad thing is that I'm not even good enough of a runner to warrant all these contraptions. I'm just brittle and my muscle fibers will not stay on the bone. I also use the many hours I will now spend watching So You Think You Can Dance (I hope you're watching!) icing my shins and stretching.

And I will run, of course.

I'm up to 1 mile! For those not living in southern Louisiana this time of year, exercising outdoors feels like having a hot towel over your face with a grocery bag loosely tied around your head. Torture. Literally, good ol' southern torture.

I simply walk out the house and already I'm tasting the salty sweat pour out of my body. I can't decide if this is worse than running in the winter when my hands would get painfully frozen and move in slow motion because my blood was starting to freeze over.

Regardless, I will persevere! Goal: Rock 'n Roll Marathon in San Antonio in November! If I were you, I wouldn't start placing bets on this horse. Just run with me so I don't sleep in instead of hitting the pavement to show off my cool socks.

You know what they say about flat hands...

It seems obvious that Flat Kathy would also have flat feet. Since I've been struggling with shin splints since November, one of the first things people will ask is if I have flat feet. The answer is yes. There is nothing about me that isn't flat. Even the back of my head is flat, which is why I would never attempt to go for the shaved head look that Natalie Portman pulled off in V for Vendetta.

I recently got new running shoes. I am so embarrassed by them, but for one of the few moments in my life, I have decided to choose function over style. This means I'm getting old and maturing or I'm starting to just slowly let myself go. Please intervene when you see me walking around with a tweetie bird t-shirt on.

The shoe store I go to let's me take each pair of shoes I try on for a run outside. I could've gone with the sleeker looking Asics that you usually see on runners. But the stability and comfort of these bad boys...

... let's just say it was enough for me to break out the credit card. They appear more normal than they really are, but don't let the white shoelaces distract you from the nearly two inches of cushion all the way from the heel to toe. The special feature of this particular shoe is that the arch isn't scalloped like most running shoes, so it provides stronger support for my super large flat feet.

It was a tough choice, but I figured my self-esteem is already pretty low with my running abilities, so one more thing can't bring me that much lower than how I already feel.

When I got these, I had an instant flashback to one of my favorite movies in high school, Can't Hardly Wait! I don't know why, but I was obsessed with this movie back in the day. I just loved when Dharma the angel stripper tells Preston that you can't just rely on fate to make your dreams come true, fate only gets you so far. But it turned out to be fate that helped him win over Amanduh with this lost love letter at the end.

Sorry, my point is, there is actually another scene that is more relevant to my topic of the day. When Kenny and Denise are stuck in the bathroom and they start getting honest with one another...

Kenny: And those shoes!
Denise: What?
Kenny: Do they serve an orthopedic function?

Yes, Kenny they do. Not all of us are born with perfectly arched feet. At least I can find solace in a TV show that teaches us to have compassion for losers [except these losers can sing and dance better than I do in my own dreams.]