Discernment, Dischmerment

I'm so happy to be back here! 

Friends, I do apologize for my absence, but I hope my absence has made your heart grow fonder for my blogging verbal diarrhea.

I kept visiting my own blog hoping that it would churn out some posts on its own. Unfortunately, technology is not advance enough to read my mind. Maybe there's an iPhone app somewhere for that, but I wouldn't know that since my cellphone only makes phone calls. I know, I'm so 2000 and late.

Zack's more 1990 and late.

Anywho, so I've had quite the emotional roller coaster lately. No, it's not just from crazy female hormones. There was just so much that happened in the past two weeks that made me feel overjoyed and overwhelmed at the same time. There have been days when I feel incredibly sad and lost and then an hour or so later felt immense gratitude and affirming love.

For part of my week in Louisville, we had what we call our Placement Event. Around 35 dewy eyed young adults arrived, excited to go through the process of deciding where they were going to serve as Young Adult Volunteers (YAVs) for the year. At times the interviewing and discerning were really intense for these guys and gals who were putting so much of themselves and futures out there with a lot of uncertainty as to where that would lead them. 

Back in the day, before I even arrived at Pepperdine, I was mailed a book about hearing God's call, which is basically what we refer to as discernment - figuring out exactly what I was put earth to do and how I am supposed to live given this crazy environment. My relationship with discernment is so much like my relationship with exercising. I know it's incredibly beneficial and the healthiest thing to do, but sometimes I'd rather just be lazy and not even think about it. [There are DVRed shows to be watched instead.]

So as these YAVs were in the midst of their discernment process, I couldn't help but to get sucked into the whole atmosphere of feeling I need to be doing something really important and constantly life-altering for me and the rest of the planet. There was a YAV alum there that I really admire, and he asked me, "What's your dream?"

With the confused look of half-raised eyebrows and gnarled lip on my face, I didn't have an answer. My dream would to eat bacon, biscuits and cheese grits every day while always having the body of swim suit model. Yes, that is how shallow I am.

So how do you discern what it is you're supposed to be and/or do?

You'll have to become one my YAVs to find out. JK... I would hate to have to work with you. Again, I joke [maybe].

Even Kathy Freston, yes we're not done with her yet, talks about connecting with your own spirituality in whatever shape or form that takes on if your life. She has a pretty good PC way of putting it:

Whether we choose to attend services at a formal house of worship, study with a teacher, join a meditation group, or read intently to learn more of a particular tradition or philosophy, through spiritual practice we increase our capacity to love and be kind, both to ourselves and to others. We learn to think and act out of love rather than fear. We move from indifference to compassion. 

And as we lend ourselves to the shift that comes with spiritual practice, we nurture the light inherent within us so that we can then shine that light out into the world. We are aided immeasurably by putting ourselves in the atmosphere of constant coaching.

This is all very nice, Kathy Freston, but it still doesn't quite answer how the heck am I supposed to be compassionate and light-shining to others? I feel I am a pretty spiritual person and I can certainly use the increase in love for others. What are my next steps, Kathy Freston?

God was all over this one. So a few days ago, I just happened to play a podcast from Francis Chan, author of Crazy Love, and he totally put things into perspective. Essentially he reminded me that it's not often that God shows someone their entire life's plan to them. God always shows people one or a few steps at a time. Rather then asking what is God's will for my life, the better question is what is God's will for today?

For today, it was time for me to blog again. And to make a very long blog post even longer, on my flight home from Louisville, I came up with the best and only Venn Diagram I've ever conceived.

[Note: I feel worried that I may have taken this from somewhere because I never have original ideas, but I truly believe I haven't plagiarized this one. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know and I will be happy to cite and link and try not to feel lame.]

This is all I've come up with so far, and I still haven't figured out exactly how I'll flesh this out in my mind. But it's a relatively good start for someone like me.

Figuring out life is hard but also essential to making the most out of our short existence. However, instead of being overwhelmed by the bigger picture, let's be overjoyed by the small victories and blessings we experience each day.

"In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." -mother theresa 

It's good to be back, friends.  

1.5 miles, baby.

Yes, friends. I have reached the 1.5 mile-milestone.

Back in the day, this would have been a feat. One day in high school, I went to the park because I decided I would be a runner. It seemed easy enough. I ran all the time. I ran out of class to get to the front of the lunch line. I chased the bus when I was late getting to my stop. This could totally be my sport.

One day I went to the park and ran. I didn't even make it to the .25 mile marker.

To make my long running history short, let's just say I'm a slow runner. Mayhaps you'd call me a jogger.

Two weeks ago I was talking about running with two of my Sunday school students who are very fast cross country runners. I told them that I did a half marathon back in December.

Student: What was your time?

Kathy: Um... I think it was 2:22:something.

Student: You know people can run full marathons under that time.

Kathy: [crying internal tears of shame]

 It's three months after the longest run I've ever accomplished and I'm starting from scratch again. As much as I'd like to make myself sound like this incredible endurance runner, 1.5 miles was hard today. But I did it. And I will do it again some time this week... maybe.

Now that it's starting to warm up outside, and I can be motivated to shave my legs again, it's time to gear up for 5k season. For those of you who are doing the same, here are some online tools that I've enjoyed using.

I know you can easily just keep track of your progress on your own calendar, but for some reason I like to use Active Trainer to log all of my workouts. You can log everything from exercise biking to hiking. It's great to be able to see how much you can accomplish over a month's period of time. But really, I like it because it automatically calculates my pace if I just put in my time and distance. Yes, I'm that bad at math. I swear I don't know how I look so Asian.

Cool Running has a Couch to 5k training plan that just takes 2 months to get you to being a regular 5k runner. Also, I use it to diagnose all my aches and pain when Webmd is too vague.

My first 5k that I hope to run is the Mississippi River Bridge Run on April 10th. That was my first 5k ever that I ran last year, and it's tough because it's uphill for the first half. But the scenery and the site of hundreds of people running up the on-ramp was unforgettable.

Sorry, this is all I have to offer. I lost the files of my mental pictures.

On a completely unrelated topic... Today, my mother asked me to show her how to get on to Faceplace. If case you didn't already know, my mom is a fob.

Look at me now!

I'm leaving today to head to Louisville, Kentucky, with a short stint to Indianapolis to gloat over our Saints Superbowl win. I mean, for more meetings. I will be gone for a week.

I loathe packing. In an ideal world, I would have bags prepacked with everything that I would need. None of the leaving of toothbrushes and cell phone chargers would matter. And, of course, the daunting task of gathering the right shirt, pants, jacket, shoes and accessories in order for me to be prepared for a multitude of wardrobe needs and fitting it all into a 22" x 14" x 9" box.

I don't want to be too casual but not too overdressed. Will I be wearing the same thing all day? Will I really exercise if I bring my tennis shoes? What if it's too cold/hot in the conference rooms? What if I accidentally fall into a large body of water and am stuck with clothes that I will not be able to wear for the rest of the week?

At first, I just said, "Well, I can get reimbursed for checking my bags, so I might as well pack what I want." Then, I sort of felt like I should be a good steward of the limited funds we have for our program. I know, if I really wanted to, I can pack everything I need into a carry-on bag.

It ended up feeling a lot like what I went through during the cleanse. A lot of very intentional decision-making and taking the time in advance to prepare. And being honest with myself.

So I pulled out of my closet everything I thought I wanted to wear and tried on a variety of outfits. This is a little embarrassing but I even made a Monday-Sunday list with what I would wear each day. But it really helped to see that I don't really need to bring 25 shirts for 7 days.

 Yes, I am neurotic.

The being honest with myself part was always the hardest part. I decided not to bring any accessories and only one book. I haven't done any leisurely reading in a long time, so why is it that every time I travel I'm convinced I will have time or even want to read two novels, three magazines, write letters to old friends and journal?


As with the cleanse, I've realized how many old habits I had that weren't good for me. My tendency to over pack developed from my laziness to plan clearly and effectively, from procrastination and last-minute packing, my desire to over-indulge and pack more than enough and my worries about unforeseen but potentially detrimental circumstances that never actually occur.

I can't believe this day has come. From someone who had bags weighing over 100lbs on my trip back from London and a daily grandma purse full of snacks, Tide to-go, hand sanitizer, emergency eye liner and cough drops, I have managed to carefully pack for my week away into just this:

I don't even need to sit on it to make it zip.

And in the plaid bag, I've packed 7 Lara Bars, lots of caffeine free tea, a bag of mixed nuts and a bag of dry cereal. No need to spend $5 on a bag of Chex Mix at the airport!

Next topic please...

I hope I haven't bored any of you (4 readers) with my obsession over eating, the food chain, the effects of food on our bodies and the world. I was hoping that post-cleanse, I'd be able to switch over to "See Kathy Run" sort of fodder, but I've been busy and lazy this week and I don't feel like running. So no running = no stories about running.

So perhaps this week since there hasn't been much sweat, besides the usual pit moisture, breaking around here, I've been feeling the muffin top more than usual. Or my pants must be shrinking again. Like I said, gaining weight is not a big deal for me. What is a big deal is having to get bigger clothes to accommodate the expanding waistline. I will for sure exercise to have to avoid replacing all of my bottoms.

Next weekend, I will be out of town for work. Meetings, oh joy. So I may or may not run depending on how much sitting is involved. If the tush starts to go numb, I may throw in a jog. I know some of you out there can run at warp speeds and crazy distances, but I am determined not to shin split myself again. I will literally start from 1 mile and s l o w l y work my way back up to Mardi Gras Marathon 2011, if God so wills it.

Don't worry, I fully plan on bringing my So You Think You Can Dance Cardio Blast workout DVD that I got for Christmas! That for sure will make for a great work out. I hope Mark is on it and that I get to learn how to be Chelsie in the Bleeding Love routine!



I just wanted to end with a little fun story about my day. So lately, I have been experiencing a lot of upper back and shoulder pain/tension. Probably a combination of a lot of stress, lack of sleep and gripping the handle bars of spinning class out of sheer exhaustion and desire to vomit and pass out.

You know how at Whole Foods there is a little area of chair massages at $1/minute? I decided I would treat myself to 15 minutes so that I don't have to spend the rest of my night trying to reach between my shoulder blades with my metal water bottle in a sad attempt to massage out my own knots.

I am sooo looking forward to the 15 minutes of bliss that I am about to receive that I might release tears of joy. I look at the little white board on the wall of the massage makeshift cubicle and it says "Massage Hours 1-6pm Daily." I check my cell phone.

It's 6:01. fml

So I have to go now to find a tennis ball I can put on the ground and roll on top of and no, I will not take a photo of that for the blog. I would like to maintain a least a shred of dignity, well okay, I don't care about dignity. Just too lazy to set up a camera to capture the weirdness that is to follow.

This is what I look like at work. Except, I would be looking at twitter, not excel.

It's so hard to say goodbye...

... to hot dogs.

I love animals.

I love eating.

I love eating animals.

So I should love the book Eating Animals, right?

Jonathan Safran Foer has been much talked about since the release of his latest book, Eating Animals. Before you read Eating Animals or anything else for that matter, I cannot recommend more Foer's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I'll even buy you a copy if you seriously read it. That is how much I love it.

 

I was surprised to learn Foer wrote a book on the mass production of animals by our present-day farmers. It's so different from his insanely creative stories that take you through all the emotions of life in roughly 300 pages. I haven't read it yet because the public library hasn't gotten a hold of it. But what's the next best thing to do when you can't [or don't want to] read?

Watch the Colbert Report!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Jonathan Safran Foer
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Skate Expectations

I'm so sad that farmers unanimously won't eat hot dogs. I know I've said it before but I really do love hot dogs. They're so good grilled, boiled, fried, on a bun, on a stick, with ketchup or mustard and/or chili and cheese with grilled onions.

The other week, I read this New York Times article on a workshop that was recently held to teach people how to properly raise, kill and butcher rabbits. There were even photos of these cute little bunnies. As cute as they were, as I read the article, I started craving rabbit. They are just as delicious as they are soft and fuzzy.

But we've already discussed how supporting our current farming practices is harmful to ourselves and to the world. In this next video of Foer on Ellen [who inspired me to start the cleanse in the first place], Foer gets to go into more detail about how our farm system is a top cause of the detriment of our environment. And for those who have a compassion to see animals like people, yes, the current practices are also just as harmful to us and to the animals themselves.



So the sooner we can all collectively protest our current system of raising animal for meat and other products, the sooner improvements in farming practices will occur and the sooner that those of us who still want to have meat can have it because it's no longer infected by growth hormones, antibiotics and whatever kinds of chemicals these animals are releasing due to the unnatural and at times torturous conditions they live in.

For the die hard carnivores, take the challenge to go meatless [and dairy-less] one day each week.

If not, I dare you to take a stop along the stretch on the I-5 in California with the acres and acres of cattle crammed into a refugee camp-esque farm and sit down and have a burger.

Nervous but never too nervous to eat

How do I feel on my first day off the cleanse?

It's the same way you feel when you turn 22. I remember once when I was 22 and someone asked, "How old are you?" And I just responded, "21." I didn't even realize it until many hours later that I might have been wrong. I looked at the year and pulled out my calculator and lo and behold I was 22 and forgot about it.

At work, one of my volunteers, Gloria, asked if I had gluten today. I forgot that I wanted to have gluten today. I already prepared my lunch for the day and continued to have my usual snacks of fruits, nuts and avocados. Well... I more than compensated for my memory lapse over dinner.

I saw this wonderful calzone at Whole Foods and was told it was stuffed with spinach & mushrooms. I think I drooled on the glass partition.

As I sat down to eat it, the calzone turned out to be stuffed full of Italian sausage. As much as it would've been really tasty, it wasn't what I wanted or what I was craving. I walked back over to the pizza counter, careful not to slip where I previously drooled and switched it out for two slices of veggie pizza.

If you're wondering where the other slice is, I ate it on the drive home. I was hongry. And pizza + soup = bliss.

I am experiencing some food baby pressure right now, but it shall pass. I think I'm also experience the warning signs of another type of visitor. I hate to be crude but let's just say it rhymes with schmenstrual cycle.

It's so crazy how fast things change sometimes. One day you were 9 and the next, boom, you're in the double digits and will never get to go back. Here in New Orleans, I can wake up to a torrential downpour and 10 minutes later it's like the sunniest day we've ever had.

Fortunately, with this cleanse, the change can be as drastic or subtle as you like -- going into it and coming out of it. Like I mentioned many days back, I didn't just wake up one morning and cut out all of the Big 5 at once. I did have a chance to ease into it and that helped tremendously to curb the desire to rip cake out of other people's hands and shove it in my mouth.

Tomorrow, there's another big change happening in my life. For many, many frustrating months now I have been house shopping. It's so crazy to me that I can be in this one phase for almost a year, but after a few emails and signatures [and my entire financial future on the line] and a notary stamp, you're in this completely different arena of life. I'm definitely not close to sitting down for the closing yet, but signing a contract is huge for me.

Could be my future abode!

I'm nervous, scared, excited, anxious and any other adjective you can describe someone who is over-analyzing and is feeling sick and on the verge of tears. Would that be a mental case?


This past Sunday, our church had a service led by the high school and college students. Four of them talked about the story of Jesus telling his disciples not to worry.

Jesus: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.

Katholomew: But what about buying a home and all the technical things involved like home inspections, surveys, points, mortgage lenders, down payments, closing fees... What would you do, Jesus?

Jesus: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Katholomew: You're right. Do you know what you're wearing tomorrow?

Jesus: Skinny jeans and TOMS.

Your prayers and positive thoughts and energy are always appreciated, and not just for me but for everyone experiencing life changes and facing big decisions.

If this deal goes through, you're invited to come over and watch movies on my 15-inch laptop.

Day 21: The End of the Cleanse

This is will be my breakfast now that I'm through with the cleanse:

I plan on only living for another 25 years. That way I can stop contributing to my 403(b) and not worry if I'll be an active and healthy senior. I'm tired of spending all of my money on wicking exercise clothes, resistance bands, whole grains, tofu and bananas. Okay, not the bananas. I love bananas... deep-fried and drizzled with butterscotch and dark chocolate with a sprinkle of sliced almonds folded into a crisp, warm crepe with a side of fresh whipped cream for dipping. And if I change my mind later, then I can finally audition to be on the Biggest Loser Season 58!

Okay. I joke. But a girl sure can dream...

I actually made boiled potatoes [with lots o' garlic] for tomorrow to go with my leftover green beans and acorn squash.

Did I have spectacular breakthroughs about life whilst on this cleanse? No. 

Did I think this cleanse was a waste of time? No, that would be watching Giuliana Rancic living. 

I thought it would be helpful for you to know how this cleanse did [or didn't] affect me. 

Meh.

• No weight loss - not that I need it but those damn models are messing with my head
• No improvement in my skin - acne is still acting as if I'm 14
• Probably annoyed a lot of restaurant servers, bartenders, co-workers, friends and family
• No significant loss of cravings - went to Cafe du Monde and it was torture not to have a cafe au lait and beignets with lots of powdered sugar

Yay!

• I made it through 21 days and still feel good about it all
• Started a wonderful blog for 4-5 people to read
• No feelings of guilt related to what I ate or drank
• No ridiculous outcomes from eating or drinking too much
• Tried some new and delicious restaurants and recipes
• Learned that I enjoy unsweetened soymilk, Lara Bars, agave nectar
• More aware of issues related to food, health and the world
• Managed to have energy without coffee or added sugar
• Good and regular BMs 
• Substituted time spent drinking coffee with exercise
• Learned making a smoothie is not that difficult & I'm not that lazy
• Realized I can have self-control and discipline
• More conscious when it comes to grocery shopping. No wasted food or impulse purchases.

Of course, I made the Yay column more than the Meh column but all of the above are true. Yes there are down sides to the cleanse, but it was only three weeks and not a lifetime.

I've known people who give up buying new clothes or eating sweets for a whole year. One of my best friends gave up looking in the mirror during Lent. I'm pretty sure this was after I tried to cut bangs for her and ended up giving her a mullet that would make many Arkansas-ians jealous. [Note to self: find a photo of this.]  I also just read about this girl who gave up using beauty products, including soap and shampoo, for 30 days.  

Yeah... I won't be trying that one anytime soon.

For the rest of the year I can be smug about my cleanse. Or I can just be thankful that I gave my body this little break and not feel guilty about never giving myself a break [except with a Kit Kat bar].

Between the grocery shopping, the cooking, the spinning, oh yeah, and I still have a job and a few friends left, I'm a few days behind on my reading. So I'm not done with the blog yet because I think Kathy Freston has some insightful things to share. Stay tuned, friends, and thanks for your open ears, hearts and web browsers during the last 3 weeks!

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.

-voltaire [hair]